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Accountant Jokes

If you think lawyer jokes are awful just wait until you hear some jokes about accountants…….

“What do you call an accountant without a spreadsheet?”

             “Lost.”

What’s the definition of an accountant?”

             “Someone who solves a problem you didn’t know you had in a way you don’t understand.”

An Accountant after reading nursery rhymes to his young child:

             “No, son. When Little Bo Peep lost her sheep, that wouldn’t be tax deductible. But I like your thinking.”

Why did the Accountant cross the road?
To bore the people on the other side!

 What’s an extroverted accountant?
One who looks at your shoes while he’s talking to you instead of his own.

The Balloonist

A fellow has been learning to be a balloonist and takes his first solo flight. Unfortunately the wind gets up, he is blown off course and is forced to land. He is in a paddock close to a road but has no idea where he is. He sees a car coming along the road and hails it. The driver gets out and the balloonist says, “Can you tell me where I am?’.

“Yes, of course”, says the driver. “You have just landed in your balloon and with this wind you have obviously been blown off course. You are in the on Jim Hubble’s farm, 12.5 miles from Boerne. John will be plowing the paddock next week and sowing wheat. There is a bull in the paddock. It is behind you and about to attack you.”

At that moment the bull reaches the balloonist and tosses him over the fence. Luckily he is unhurt. He gets up, dusts himself off and says to the driver, “I see you’re an accountant”.

“Good Grief”, says the other man, “you’re right. How did you know that?”

“I employ accountants,” says the balloonist. “The information you gave me was detailed, precise and accurate. Most of it was useless and it arrived far too late to be of any help.”

More Tales:

     The accountant read the story of Cinderella to his 4-year-old daughter. The little girl was fascinated by the tale, especially the part where the pumpkin turns into a golden coach. “Daddy,” she asked. “When the pumpkin turned into a golden coach, would that be classed as income or a long-term capital gain?”

     A young accountant fresh out of college is interviewed by the owner of a small business. “I need someone with an accounting degree,” says the man. “But mainly, I’m looking for someone to do my worrying for me. I have lots of things to worry about, but I want someone else to worry about money matters.” “OK,” says the accountant. “How much are you offering?” “You can start at $75,000,” says the owner. “That’s a great salary!” says the young accountant. “How can a business like yours afford to pay so much?” “That,” says the man, “is your first worry.”

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