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Tax Day in the style of Dr. Seuss

One of the bloggers I follow, Kelly Phillips Erb, decided to honor Dr. Seuss with this little tax related spoof of Oh, the Places You'll Go!  I enjoyed it and I hope you will too!


Today is Tax Day,
You're off to do taxes!
You're off and away!

You have forms in your hand.
You've digits in your head.
You can hire someone
Or do your own forms instead.

If you're on your own, you know what you know.
And YOU are the taxpayer who'll decide where things go.

You'll look over the forms. Look 'em over with care.
About some lines you'll say, "That doesn't go there."
With your hands full of forms, and your head full of digits,
you're too smart to worry about phase-ins and limits.

And you may not find any
way to bring your tax down.
In that case, of course,
you'll stop screwing around.

You've not the time to burn
Figuring out that silly return.

Because those things can happen
and frequently do
to taxpayers with income
and deductions like you.

And when things don't make sense,
don't worry. Don't pout.
Keep plugging away.
You'll figure it out.


You've got your 1040s!
And your W-2s!
You've got 1098s!
And 1099-Qs.

You won't get frustrated, because you'll call a tax pro.
You'll figure it out with someone in the know.

Wherever you go, you'll hire the best of the best.
Whoever you hire, they will top all the rest.

Except when you don't.
Because, sometimes, you won't.

I'm sorry to say so
but, sadly, it's true
that Mistakes
and Headaches
can happen to you.

You can get all hung up
with some terrible issues.
You'll pull out your hair.
And you'll sob into tissues.

A notice may follow
saying you're in a jam.
And the chances are, then,
you're subject to exam.

And when you're at audit,
you're not in for much fun.
Surviving an audit
is not easily done.

You will come to a place where the rooms are not marked.
Some windows are lighted. But mostly they're dark.
A place that scares you more than you've ever been!
Do you dare to stay out? Do you dare to go in?
How much can you lose? How much can you win?

And IF you should go in, should you knock on the door?
or wait in the queue? And fear being ignored?
Or march right on up to the front of the line?
Simple it's not, I'm afraid you will find,
for a confused taxpayer to make up his mind.

You can get so confused
that you'll start to race
down long-windy hallways at a break-necking pace
and hurry down corridors with lots of bland space,
headed, I fear, toward a most useless place.

The IRS…
…for people just waiting.

Waiting for agents to figure out,
that you did your best, without a doubt,
Waiting for them to stop the drought
of not answering the phone through and throughout
or waiting to find out what it's all about
or waiting simply to go all-out.
Everyone is just waiting.

Waiting for the latest forms to appear
or waiting for the bill you'll fear
or waiting to finally get the all clear
or waiting, perhaps, for refund news,
or a cure for a massive case of the blues,
or to open the mail, or pick up the phone
or fill in a detail, or a deadline that was blown.
Everyone is just waiting.

That's not for you!

Somehow you'll escape
all that waiting and staying.
You'll find some relief
you'll stop all the graying.

Oh, the tax forms you'll know!

There are returns to be done!
There are refunds to spend. There are audits to be won.
And all of the great things you can do with that cash
(though interest rates won't earn you a stash
Spend! You'll stimulate the economy,
along with Misters Buffett, Gates and Romney.

Except when you don't.
Because, sometimes, you won't.

I'm afraid that some times
you'll have to pay taxes too.
Audits you lost and
Lack of withholding from you.

All those bills!
Whether you like it or not.
Bills will be something
you'll have quite a lot.

And when you have tax bills, there's a very good chance
you'll hear things that will scare you right out of your pants.
There are some frightful agents who'll say things on the phone,
that can scare you so much you won't want to go on.

But on you will go
facing forms 433.
On you will go
Filing your OIC.
On you will go
to tax advocacy.
You'll figure out
an installment agreement,
making payments for taxes
at times mutually convenient.

On and on you will pay.
And I know you'll pay bunches
and face up to your tax bills
without pulling those punches.

You'll get mixed up of course,
when the Regs are so-so,
You'll get mixed up,
with so many statutes to know.
So be sure when you file.
File with care on the right day
and remember the Tax Code
Won't go away.
Just never forget to postmark your return.
Or e-file and postage is not your concern.

And will you succeed?
Yes! You will indeed!
(Though acceptance of your return cannot be guaranteed!)


be your name Shulman or Lew or Tax Mama,
or President Barack H. Obama
you're off to do taxes!
Today is your day!
The IRS is waiting.
So… get on your way.

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